"

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.

8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

9. Don’t dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It’s never too late for an apology.

34. Don’t pose with booze.

35. If you have the right of way, take it.

36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

41. Don’t make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in good luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don’t stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do, not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don’t litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

"
-

A high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via passe-simple)

This.

(via gettingahealthybody)

Some of these had me saying “Fuck!” and “Shit!” in agreement.

(via slimmcharles)

(Source: mar-rs, via iwannajamitwithyou)

companioncube0:

I was at Walgreens buying my brother a birthday card. An elderly woman was also in the aisle. She said “can you believe they have wedding cards for two men and look even two women!”
[screams internally]
But she then said “I’ve seen so many changes in my 80 years, it’s wonderful how things are moving forward.”
[internal tears of joy]
She then mentioned that she didn’t know any gay people but that everyone should be treated like they would want to be treated. I smiled and said “you know one now” and pointed at myself. She smiled, patted my shoulder and said “now I do”.

companioncube0:

I was at Walgreens buying my brother a birthday card. An elderly woman was also in the aisle. She said “can you believe they have wedding cards for two men and look even two women!”

[screams internally]

But she then said “I’ve seen so many changes in my 80 years, it’s wonderful how things are moving forward.”

[internal tears of joy]

She then mentioned that she didn’t know any gay people but that everyone should be treated like they would want to be treated. I smiled and said “you know one now” and pointed at myself. She smiled, patted my shoulder and said “now I do”.

(via jskye2k11)

Anonymous asked:

You're a stupid nigger. You hate white people so much but without them you wouldn't have the McDonald's you so clearly love you fat fucking loser

Shenanigans and Wishful Thinking Answer:

unrivaledbeauty:

paranormal-blacktivity:

If it weren’t for black people you wouldn’t have:

  • air conditioning unit: Frederick M. Jones; July 12, 1949
  • almanac: Benjamin Banneker; Approx 1791
  • auto cut-off switch: Granville T. Woods; January 1,1839
  • auto fishing devise: G. Cook; May 30, 1899
  • automatic gear shift: Richard Spikes; February 28, 1932
  • baby buggy: W.H. Richardson; June 18, 1899
  • bicycle frame: L.R. Johnson; Octber 10, 1899
  • biscuit cutter: A.P. Ashbourne; November 30, 1875
  • blood plasma bag: Charles Drew; Approx. 1945
  • cellular phone: Henry T. Sampson; July 6, 1971
  • chamber commode: T. Elkins; January 3, 1897
  • clothes dryer: G. T. Sampson; June 6, 1862
  • curtain rod: S. R. Scratton; November 30, 1889
  • curtain rod support: William S. Grant; August 4, 1896
  • door knob: O. Dorsey; December 10, 1878
  • door stop: O. Dorsey; December 10, 1878
  • dust pan: Lawrence P. Ray; August 3, 1897
  • egg beater: Willie Johnson; February 5, 1884
  • electric lampbulb: Lewis Latimer; March 21, 1882
  • elevator: Alexander Miles; October 11, 1867
  • eye protector: P. Johnson; November 2, 1880
  • fire escape ladder: J. W. Winters; May 7, 1878
  • fire extinguisher: T. Marshall; October 26, 1872
  • folding bed: L. C. Bailey; July 18, 1899
  • folding chair: Brody & Surgwar; June 11, 1889
  • fountain pen: W. B. Purvis; January 7, 1890
  • furniture caster: O. A. Fisher; 1878
  • gas mask: Garrett Morgan; October 13, 1914
  • golf tee: T. Grant; December 12, 1899
  • guitar: Robert F. Flemming, Jr. March 3, 1886
  • hair brush: Lydia O. Newman; November 15,18–
  • hand stamp: Walter B. Purvis; February 27, 1883
  • horse shoe: J. Ricks; March 30, 1885
  • ice cream scooper: A. L. Cralle; February 2, 1897
  • improv. sugar making: Norbet Rillieux; December 10, 1846
  • insect-destroyer gun: A. C. Richard; February 28, 1899
  • ironing board: Sarah Boone; December 30, 1887
  • key chain: F. J. Loudin; January 9, 1894
  • lantern: Michael C. Harvey; August 19, 1884
  • lawn mower: L. A. Burr; May 19, 1889
  • lawn sprinkler: J. W. Smith; May 4, 1897
  • lemon squeezer: J. Thomas White; December 8, 1893
  • lock: W. A. Martin; July 23, 18–
  • lubricating cup: Ellijah McCoy; November 15, 1895
  • lunch pail: James Robinson; 1887
  • mail box: Paul L. Downing; October 27, 1891
  • mop: Thomas W. Stewart; June 11, 1893
  • motor: Frederick M. Jones; June 27, 1939
  • peanut butter: George Washington Carver; 1896
  • pencil sharpener: J. L. Love; November 23, 1897
  • record player arm: Joseph Hunger Dickenson January 8, 1819
  • refrigerator: J. Standard; June 14, 1891
  • riding saddles: W. D. Davis; October 6, 1895
  • rolling pin: John W. Reed; 1864
  • shampoo headrest: C. O. Bailiff; October 11, 1898
  • spark plug: Edmond Berger; February 2, 1839
  • stethoscope: Imhotep; Ancient Egypt
  • stove: T. A. Carrington; July 25, 1876
  • straightening comb: Madam C. J. Walker; Approx 1905
  • street sweeper: Charles B. Brooks; March 17, 1890
  • phone transmitter: Granville T. Woods; December 2, 1884
  • thermostat control: Frederick M. Jones; February 23, 1960
  • traffic light: Garrett Morgan; November 20, 1923
  • tricycle: M. A. Cherry; May 6, 1886
  • typewriter: Burridge & Marshman; April 7, 1885

BUT OH MAN WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT MCDONALDS :(((

This is the greatest response in history

Some Nights Tumblr Version

tylereakley:

sunshinelion-man:

jordan-haruka:

merryblangstmas:

Some Nights Tumblr Version.

Based off this post.

Lyrics:

Some nights, I stay up staring at my laptop

Some nights, I don’t sleep at all

Some nights, I ‘m glad that my dash is never ending

Some nights, I wish I could log off

But I still stay up, I still read your posts

Oh Lord, I’m still not sure why I’m awake at four

What do I scroll for? What do I scroll for?

Most nights, I don’t know anymore…

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa oh oh

This is it, these are ship wars

What are we fighting for?

Why don’t we read fanfic already?

I was never one to sleep at night - save that for those who have a life

Post twice as much and get half as many likes, but here feels come again

To stay for a while

But that’s alright; I blog from in my bed tonight

I blog because I’m wonderin’ just who I, who I, who I am

Oh, who am I? mmm… I have no life

Well, some nights, I wish that my dash would end

‘Cause I could use some friends for a change

And some nights, I’m scared I’ll hit post limit again

Some nights, I always hit, I always hit…

But I still stay up, I still read your posts

Oh Lord, I’m still not sure why I’m awake at four

What do I scroll for? What do I scroll for?

Most nights, I don’t know… 

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?

Left my social life for this? Or do I have no friends because of this?

(/awkward pause where I didn’t know what to write/)

So log on.

Log on.

Log on,

OH LOG ON!

Well, that is it guys, that is all, scroll twelve pages down and I’m bored again
Ten years of this, and only bloggers understand 
I’m not sticking ‘round with my folks downstairs; Sorry to leave, mom, I had ship pairs
I’m going to be forever alone, all dried up from my laptop brightness

My heart is breaking for my OTP and the con that they call “love”
‘Cuz when they look into each other’s eyes…
Man, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from…
Some terrible writers…ahhh…

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh

Oh whoa, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh oh

The other night, you wouldn’t believe the fic I just read about my OTP

I wish it would update already

I wish you’d tag all of your stuff, man.

Why won’t you tag all of your stuff, man? oh…

I’m never logging off

Why would I ever log off Tumblr… oh …

Oh, oh whoa, oh whoa, oh.

image

THIS IS THE TUMBLR ANTHEM

IF YOU DO NOT REBLOG THIS YOU MIGHT AS WELL LOG OFF AND OR SHUT DOWN YOUR BLOG BECAUSE ALL OF TUMBLR HAS REJECTED YOU.

THIS
pengcorn

SHIT asdfghjkl

(via queen-winryelric)

Anonymous asked:

so why do you always talk shit about white people if you're white yourself?

Shenanigans and Wishful Thinking Answer:

2jam4u:

but i am white…

wait …. what the FUCK

He’d take so much pride in being the first one to get her to smile.Butofcoursenoonewouldbelievehim. 

(Source: melty-art)